Funnies

forestman · Joined: 13 Oct 2007 Posts: 9 Location: Paradise, CA

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.

However, the patrolman kept feeling a sensation like something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a complication that the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough courage to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence:

"Get well soon....from the nurse in the Jeep that you pulled over last week." Very Happy

wilbur · Joined: 13 Oct 2007 Posts: 12 Location: Paradise, CA

AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?'
'Yes, Father, it is.'
'And who was the girl you were with?'
'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.
Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Nina Capelli?'
'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'
'Was it Cathy Piriano?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What'd you get?”
‘Four months vacation and five good leads’.

wilbur · Joined: 13 Oct 2007 Posts: 12 Location: Paradise, CA

I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....

Scared the shit out of me.

So that's it!

After today, no more reading.

forestman · Joined: 13 Oct 2007 Posts: 9 Location: Paradise, CA

amperial

HOW TO INSTALL A SOUTHERN HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1) Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2) Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3) Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4) Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim:
I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls - they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Any way, I locked all 4 of 'em in the house.
Better wait outside.
Cooter